Identity in Negation

It can sometimes be hard to recall who you are, especially when you are a member of a collective. I have constructed this handy reminder for myself.

I can't be a goth because I'm too tan
I can't be a lesbian because I'm a man
I can't be a stoner because I don't smoke
I can't be queer because semen makes me choke
I can't be a Republican because I'm too bright
I can't be a minority because I'm too white
I can't be a dancer because I'm too vain
I can't be an anarchist because I'm too sane
I can't be vegetarian because I love shellfish
I can't be enlightened because I'm too selfish
I can't be a writer because I'm too lazy
and I won't be a poet because I'm not crazy